I attended a children's book conference for writers and artists in early October. I had a great time seeing some of my bookish friends again and meeting some lovely new people, plus I was able to sell five copies of
Seranfyll. (I know that's not much, but hey, I'm celebrating.)
During one of the talks, an editor from a Big 6 publisher read the first lines from some books she'd edited over the years. She said that in some cases, a book's first line is a big deal because it's the book's "first impression." Granted, the cover may actually be the first thing that readers see, and that first impression is massively important. However, the first line is the reader's first exposure to the writing itself. And it's the writing, not the cover, that keeps the reader reading.
After the conference was over, I browsed through my home library and tried to see what it was about the first lines of certain books that worked for me. Since I read mostly fiction books for young readers and I write fiction books for young readers, I'm obviously going to focus on fiction books for young readers. Writers for the adult market, however, may be able to glean something useful as well.
Here are a few examples (not necessarily in any order) of what I think are great first lines
:
"All children, except one, grow up."
From
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
This first line is only six words long, and yet it says so much. For children especially, growing up is a big deal, but what is this? There's one who doesn't? Doesn't that make you want to find out more about this mysterious child who doesn't grow up and, therefore, never dies? Naturally, I have to keep reading to find out more.
"The note said: SOMEONE IN THIS CLASS IS A WITCH."
From
Witch Week by Diana Wynne Jones
This is another short line that says a lot. There's a witch in the class? Who can it be? Actually, I don't even know who's in the class yet, so I guess I need to keep reading to find out what's going on. But I should note that this is not one of my favorite books. While I enjoyed the story and the imagination behind it, there were some things in the writing that I thought could've been done better
. Just my opinion, so please don't flog me, DWJ fans.
"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."
From
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J. K. Rowling
I know it's difficult, but let's suspend for a moment the reality that this is the first line that eventually led to billions of dollars in book sales, movies, and a theme park. In this example, we actually have a name of not just one, but two, characters: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. And if the book says that they think they're normal, you know straight away that they aren't. And the "thank you very much" bit makes me immediately think, "Oh really? Well, we'll just see about that now, won't we?"
"When my brother Fish turned thirteen, we moved to the deepest part of inland because of the hurricane and, of course, the fact that he'd caused it."
From
Savvy by Ingrid Law
A first line like that, I think, is certainly worthy of a Newbery Honor. Like the last example, we have the name of a character, but we also have a motive for the setting and conflict. Fish caused a hurricane, and apparently it was enough to warrant a family to move. Why wouldn't you want to keep reading?
The argument can be made, however, that not all great books have great first lines, which the editor at the conference did say. Luckily, readers of fiction tend to be a patient bunch (the operative words being "tend to be"), and many will read more before putting a book down (I usually will read about a third to the halfway point before I decide whether a book is worth continuing or not). But still, something pretty spectacular needs to happen before then to keep us going to the very end.
Here are examples of not-so-great first lines to, what I think, are otherwise very well-done books:
"Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy."
From
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis
This is my favorite book, but this isn't my favorite first line. Yes, we are introduced to four characters, but we don't know anything else about them other than their names. Well, and the fact that they are all children. Unlike in the first line in
Peter Pan, we don't know that they don't grow up. Or that one of them once caused a hurricane, like in
Savvy. But it didn't make me stop reading, and by the time I got to the line were Peter says, "This is going to be perfectly splendid. That old chap [meaning the professor] will let us do anything we like," I knew I wanted to keep going. After all, four children in a large house in the country are bound to get into some kind of mischief.
"The tired old carriage, pulled by two tired old horses, rumbled onto the wharf, its creaky wheels bumpety-bumping on the uneven planks, waking Peter from his restless slumber."
From
Peter and the Starcatchers by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson
This isn't very spectacular. Yes, we know the name of the main character, and yes we know he's going somewhere in a carriage. But I'm just not that interested, or I just don't really care that Peter is going somewhere in a carriage. I do start getting involved, however, in the next paragraph with, "If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert's Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself to be eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader." These couple of sentences, I think, are reminiscent of the Harry Potter example mentioned previously.
"When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold."
From
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
This is another example of a non-spectacular line. It's a pretty boring line, really. Actually, the first few paragraphs bored me until the line, "My father knew and he taught me [how to hunt] some before he was blown to bits in a mine explosion." But the previous paragraphs were necessary for world-building purposes and to set the somber tone of the book, so in the grand scheme of things, it works.
"Rain collapsed onto the straw mattress, wiping her tear-soaked eyes on her apron."
From
Seranfyll by Yours Truly
Sure, it's a shameless plug. But I promise it has relevance in this case. To be honest, I hate this first line. And
I wrote it. It will not hurt my feelings if you agree with me on this point. But in my defense, it was the best way I could think of to set up this scene in order to convey a) the name of the main character, b) her emotional state, c) the time period with the straw mattress and apron, and d) the gravity in tone. Believe me when I say that I tried many different first lines, and this was sadly the best of the lot. Whether or not the rest of the book is good enough to justify this first line is a matter that I will leave up to readers.
(Image courtesy of Charles M. Schultz.)
